First Dates

Sunday, August 22

Song of the day: (Nice to Meet You) Anyway - Gavin DeGraw

A sensational thing about New York is the amount of first dates one can go on.

Everyone's game.

Even blind dates.

Why not? they ask.

Getting them on the 2nd date or actually committing to exclusivity is a different story, but that first date happens pretty easily.

Now take that same excitement for first dates and apply it to friend-blind-dates.

Only it's better.

People commit to 2nd dates AND promise to introduce you to their other friends.

That's like going on a first date, hitting it off enough for a 2nd AND having your date promise to introduce you to their alternatives; just in case they are a better match.

In California, it's hard to break into the circle.

When was the last time you met up with a friend-of-a-friend *without* the mutual friend? Doesn't happen too often. Or if it has, was there follow up? Not normally. Californians generally have trouble balancing their existing friends and family with their already busy schedules. Hardly an environment of invitations.

Not so in New York.

I've successfully had *two* friend-blind-dates in one week, both with invitations for future events.

The first is with a friend-of-a-friend from work; who actually has never even met her before either. His mom is friend's with her mom and so they know *of* one another but have never met. He introduced us through email. The second is through good friend's of my parent's. My parents and her parents have been friends for over 30 years so we met each other when we were very young but it's safe to say it had been 20+ years since. We hear about one another from our parents, but would never be able to one another out of a line-up.

Both girls and I emailed for a little bit, figured out dates, then locations and then met; extraordinarily similar to real blind dates. Test the chemistry grounds, sense if they're interested in meeting, work around schedules, and plan for neutral territory.

When I told my sister this, she laughed and asked whether or not I was at a table with a single red rose. It was a fair point, how does one recognize the other?

It's actually pretty easy, you just look around for that other person who is looking around.

If they catch your eye and don't glance past, it's probably them.

Or you make a reservation at a restaurant under someone's name, and then arrive early (or late) so that you meet at the table. Bada-bing.

I think there's still a sense of first date jitters. Will we hit it off? What should I wear? I hope I don't get food stuck in my teeth. How would I explain to our mutual friend that I *don't* plan on seeing this person again, except for at their wedding....

I met one girl over a long dinner at Craft Bar (best scallops ever, thank you Tom Colicchio) and the other for Sunday brunch, which then continued over shopping. Both were incredibly different from one another but matched my personality well. Both invited me to meet their other friends within the next couple weeks. Just like dating, momentum is key.

When I thanked them for being so incredible nice and welcoming, both responded similarly, "We've all been there...we've all been the new person." Both girls retold the story of their first weeks, months and years in the city and how others had extended invitations and passed them thru their friends.

Sometimes you don't even end up hanging with the original friend, because it makes more personality sense for you to continue with their-friend-of-friend, they explained. It's matchmaking for friends. And everyone's down to play.

New York is a crazy place of with differing variations of Newcomers and Been-there's.

Both will first-date you.

It's then up to you to find the natural chemistry for a 2nd or a 3rd.